from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
