he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
