My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
