so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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