I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
