youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
