i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
