I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
