I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
