Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
