Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
