i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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