Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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