Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
