Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
