New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I came so hard my ears popped.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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