Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
