is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
