It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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