i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
