Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
