So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There's even glitter on my cock...
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