i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
