I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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