Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
