he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What changed your mind?
Being sober
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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