LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
