yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
