i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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