Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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