Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
