Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
