the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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