when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
