my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
