I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
