why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
