So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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