i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
