I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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