I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
