i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
