You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
