Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
