I wish I could teleport
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
