tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
