you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
