Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
