i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
