..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
tell me about the eggs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
