As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i think my cat just said my name.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
