How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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